A new blog, a new me! (hopefully haha)

**paunawa: maaari po lamang gawin PG ang replies. ang sumusunod ay maaaring di angkop sa mga bata. patnubay ng manyak ay kailangan.**

--just saw someone on a jeepney ride--


emotions awakened
by the sight of you
my soul stimulated
my thoughts captured
by that one moment
i laid eyes on you

my ideal self
my ideal partner
your silky lips
on that tough exterior

i wanted to touch them with mine
to play and firmly hold
to suck on them
until it's sore
throw my cares away
make mad love

to lick your eyes
and make them wet
to nimble on your earlobe
put my chest on yours
feel electricity
feel the friction
of our warm bodies
touching the cold air of night

but then again
i wouldn't do it
with someone i've been with
for only twelve minutes

during the day, I think of what I should do or how to appease someone I don't even know.

during the night, like now, I think of the same, just add the rush of having everything done quickly.

this was before, but today, it was different. I didn't think of any of these. one thing is for sure: I don't have work now.

it wasn't an easy decision. yes, leaving is the easy way out, but to be told while passing my resignation letter that I would be regularized the week after that and still have the option of withdrawing it, you might think it's stupid not to wait on being regularized first. Yes, maybe I should have waited. but during those times I already came to that point wherein I have been dragging myself to work, and I did try enduring everything for more than two months now. and also to the point that while drinking with my bestfriend i keep on telling about this customer and that vehicle's crappy sunroof, and how i don't want to go to work anymore. i still even recall their names. he told me that if it's really stressing me then perhaps it's not for me. i guess he was correct. i don't see myself staying there the next year.

TL Mitch: "give it another three months. who knows baka magbago isip mo."
cArLo: "nagawa ko na yan, TL. November ko pa inisip: bigyan ko ng two o three months pa. pero eto..Feb na."

it is a surprise that I was able to serve those 30 days. it really is. I knew myself as someone who, if running away to never return is an option, would choose it. I remember back in high school, i didn't go to school a week before the exams primarily because i was dodging a project that I should have spearheaded. and when I wake up and felt like not going to school, or haven't done a big assignment for that day, i'd just not go to school, pretend to be not feeling well and present a letter the next day.

i really do feel that it's the people and friends at work, and my friends who made me stay longer. if team redgehorse wasn't there, probably i was already gone by the first of december. if Nyl wasn't there, probably I've already lost hope and didn't know what to do and instead have just gone on NCNS (AWOL).

yes, you'd stay at work because you need the cash, and perhaps if you do enjoy what you are doing. but when it gets tough, it's your friends that motivate you to go to work. reason why i was there longer was because of the people, not because of the money on the job.

still, i left. it's not because they're presence or help wasn't enough. it's not that. it's just that i want to be self-reliant, efficient and at my best, somewhere where I'd be in love: with my work, and perhaps with someone wahahaha.

anyway, we'll still see each other. i'll never forget you guys. thanks so much for all the help and the memories.

this is for everyone that helped me through those times i felt so weak at work. I guess i just have to be where i'd be in love with my work.
it's been you guys that motivated me to go through with work and the remaining days. super di ko lang love yung work, but I do love you guys ^_^
thanks for understanding, and for all the time of day you've given me. I really appreciate it.
i'll never forget you guys!
thank you very much.
txt txt pag may inom hehehe ^_^
this is for you:

i admit
i'm not strong
i just hide everything under my smile
i try to keep up
and always be better
for i don't want to be a nuisance

but I know
and I feel
i'm not for this, it's not for me
i'll go and find
where I should be
for i want to be the best of me

hope in time
when I'm there
my heart will find that love it yearns
but all I know
it will keep coming back
to where it felt just like home

thanks to you
I made it through
you've been the strength that i needed
in times where i
just wanted to leave
you've been there for me to hold on to

-cArLo

*sometimes, there are just people that don't mean to hurt you, wherein they are doing you good, or just being themselves but then makes you feel down even though they don't mean to and don't have that idea at all. you're hurt by them doing good. and that's weird. or i'm the one who's weird.*


just when i am to leave
you've done it
why just now?
it made me hope again
admire
to lust on taking a bite.

i already closed it
you're not there anymore
you weren't even there
but just by what you do
even unaware of what you do
you keep me waiting
and i keep on hoping
and i'm left succumbing
on the bits of crumbs
that you didn't even intend to leave for me.

just when i thought that i'm used to it
it came knocking on my door
no, it actually barged in
without any second thoughts
it just stabbed me right there
yanking out most of what's left of it.

my pride
my good ol' pride
like lovely cigarettes
after using, you just extinguish
you killed the fire
stepped on
left with trails of ashes

somehow, someday
i'll just wait for someone to sweep it
and put it where it's supposed to be.