left the old one, starting a new one.... (cross-posting from multiply...so don't think nobody read this!haha)

A new blog, a new me! (hopefully haha)

and my life goes on... and my cellphone knows pala how to swim?!?

Saturday, September 19, 2009 by cArLo

with the phone that learned how to swim...


i'm feeling better now thanks to my friends... and yeah, i saw my cellphone swimming in the washing machine when i was looking for it!! hahaha...
(take note: mumurahing phone lang ang pinapalit ko, i'm not that into cellphones anyway. but right now i still don't have a phone...)

xxx

i have changed phones and lost numbers of people for like 3 times in a year already, so fast that someone thought i just erased his number and was trying to get out of it by saying the truth that indeed i lost his number.

well that's one of the hassles when you lose your phone or when you change numbers.. you have to get their numbers, send a message that says the reason why and what happened or else you'd lose connection or they'd think you don't like them.

and that's what i'm thinking i am going to face again.

i went home sleepy but i had to take care of the laundry because this sunday afternoon after my shift of 4:30 am to 1 pm our team's going to laguna or los banos for our team building. so there i was sleppy, doing the laundry when i suddenly had the time to reply to carla's and natch's text earlier, but then i can't find my phone... so i was looking everywhere for it and then something caught my attention: the washing machine.

thought bubble: oh no i did not! i checked the pockets of my jeans and i took out everything so that can't be... (searched my room again for the nth time) okay so maybe... just maybe...

and then i had this feeling that yeah i've become stupid again.

i went to the back then i heard this noise like something hitting the sides of the machine. usually there are still some coins in the pockets, but this noise was different. it was like something bigger. so quickly i paused the washing cycle, dipped my hand in it and voila: a swimming cellphone!

well usually i'd cuss all day and say fuck and shit for an hour, but then this time i was just not angry or something. i mean i was a little pissed but i was more of just giving out a laugh, not out loud but just inside my head, like just streaming a lot of 'lols' inside my head... haha.

well that's a lesson: don't do the laundry while you're sleepy. hahaha. winner.
and i know that people won't be able to contact me but then i wasn't feeling angst or anything during that. i just let out one word: shit, and after that that was it.

maybe it's because in the past i've lost phones already, and also maybe it's because this phone i had been using is really not feature loaded, it was just basic. it was a bar type phone which you can send and receive text and send and receive calls. (and some minor features like alarm clock and stuff)

so then to celebrate my phones discovery of its ability to swim (hahaha) i cooked pizza for dinner. but this time without the usual broccoli (which my mom wants because she's into healthy living) and black olives (one of my favorite toppings) i used the pepperoni and beef (the ones that are used for pizzas) that i bought fromthe grocery a week ago...

it's something i haven't done in a long while, usually it's loaded with veggies because my mom doesn't want much meat, but you know as soon as i set my eyes upon those pepperonis and beefs that were being sold per 100 grams i wasn't able to resist to buy some. i mean i have never made a pizza with pepperoni and beef on it in all my life. the most meaty i've ever done is bacon, but have never used pepperoni or beef before..

so again guys this is a 1st, and... well maybe you can say this is a follow up on the 'refocus' post.

i really wanted to eat a lot but in an hour or 2 i need to go back to sleep so i just had 2 slices.

well here it is.... anyway don't worry guys when you come here i can cook these for you. haha but tell me when, and you have to bring the beer... mmmmm piza and beer.... mmmmmmm. (happy thoughts)

(okay i just went back to the dining table and got half a slice. haha)



in making pizzas line your work space with newspaper for easy cleanup.

before baking

haha magturo ba...

finished!

walang aagaw! akin lang to!!!! ^_^

pizza with sour cream... yum!

the other pizza

the other pizza on the black-colored plate (rach mukang familiar yung plato haha)

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refocus

Wednesday, September 16, 2009 by cArLo

me on the 1st week of september

though i know i'm feeling down and am feeling unappreciated, i've learned to look at the positive side of things.. i always do.
and these are the times that this state of mind is needed. and it's actually a good way to look at everything when it gets you depressed or frustrated on what's happening in your life.
learn how to look at the bright side of things. yes shit happens, and you can't control the shit. you step on it sometimes when you're on the street, and you can't dictate the dogs on where they dump it. you can train them but you can't pin point at what exact spot on that little piece of soil left in the world they should be dropping it.
being single for a long time is sort of depressing, but there are advantages on it too.. i can go out with friends any time of the day without having to worry. i can do anything. i can spend more time with myself. i can love myself more.

and so i'm going away from posting self pity posts and sad lines.

this time i'm just going to enjoy it.. i'm going to refocus. i'm going to use it to my advantage.

and the best part is you can do your hobbies as well.

and one of that is cooking.

so here are some pictures of what i do when i'm in the kitchen...
(this is full of pictures so sorry for the loading time)

xxx

shrimp, vegetables and tomato sauce on elbow macaroni


previous dish with bangus fillet caesar salad


preparation of the broccoli and red bell peppers


broccoli



pan-seared bangus back fillet


fish and chips


and more cam-whoring after exercising...


and yeah i'm fatter than i was, but i'm trying to get back into shape again for whoever my partner's gonna be..

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no one

Saturday, August 29, 2009 by cArLo

***note: if you don't want to read about rantings then you'd have trouble with this because this would be a long one. and it's been a long time since i've made an entry here....***

xxx

i feel lonely. i feel alone. no, i'm not being an emo just because i have long hair. i still give out laughs and talk with people. it's just that lately there's one emotion or feeling that i haven't experienced in a long long time.
yes people appreciate me for who I am and for what I do (maybe), but I still feel deep down that i am not appreciated or that no one appreciates me. yes, friend and co-workers do, and parents and other people, but not to that level that i'm yearning for right now.
it has been a long time since i have called someone something that is not the person's real name, and not a term of endearment for a friend. actually it's not that that i'm missing, i mean it's only a term and i could call anyone anything.
i don't know... maybe i just need to exercise a lot so i could have lots of endorphins rushing in my body to make me happy. they say exercising releases endorphins which make you happier or something. well exercising has been something that i haven't done as i used to a year ago, so maybe all the endorphins have already left my body so now i'm feeling sad or alone or something.
the only time that i don't feel this is when i'm doing something that needs my attention like being at work: taking calls, typing, being engage in a conversation... those times when i don't get to think about myself 100 percent.. or 80 percent because sometimes i get this feeling while eating my lunch which is 4 hours earlier than noon, or when i'm outside during breaks.
or when i'm with friends. i don't get to think about it when i'm out with them drinking. so maybe that's one reason why i'm tagged as "kaladkarin" because i would join anyone who would invite me to grab a few beers or shots. and then i don't feel it.. and then i feel it towards the end, those times when i'm left out with nothing to say, staring at randomly just enything and then have time again to think while everyone is talking and getting more shots (or someone's puking already in the background)
and then i feel it again. i just don't want to feel it anymore. i mean hey, no one wants to feel this and i'm part of that.
i guess this isn't serious anyway, like i can still go to work and perform, and still cook food for the family and play online games and eat and drink and do stuff like i usually do. well yeah maybe i just need to exercise to get those fucking endorphins.
and also to get my previous body back which is better, or get a body which is better than that. so maybe when i do that i'd be getting 2 things at the same time: be happier and have a better body. i wanna have those.
i'm thinking of getting a gym membership. but then again i could use the money to get a new pair of jeans or a jacket or a new pair of shoes 'cause i really need them. or get a few buckets of beer and some sisig and kinilaw na tanigue. yum.
also i assesed that i'm not at a point were i'd just feel okay if for example someone would do something sweet for me and i kind of like the person and then i would find out after that that the person's just kind and just being sweet to everyone and then just be okay about it... well i confirmed last night that at this point if that scenario happens then i would not be okay after it, because honestly at that point i was hoping and wishing that at least it was real but then turns out it was just a joke (meaning just a friendly joke).
anyway maybe now's not the time yet. i would first need to get regularized at my work, and then work out and shape up this body, be a better person so that if that one person would arrive i'd be a perfect partner. i want to be perfect for whoever that would be. i just want to be perfect for him.
anyway back to doing stuff again... have work later and i would have to sleep now.

not normal

Saturday, June 20, 2009 by cArLo

*and again another outlet. this is just an outlet of what i feel so don't be cruel haha*

xxx

this isn't normal
what there is after what has happened
yeah, i haven't even experienced normal yet
so what would give me the right to say
that this not normal?

yes, i had you
but after that i don't feel you anymore
it happened once and would never be
and yes i should stop now
on looking forward to another ride

but then from time to time
though uncalled for keeps going back
remembering what happened wouldn't help
but my mind, my playful mind
dreams and goes back again.

my heart says the yearning has died
but my mind keeps on going, thinking
over and over on what is here now
yes, having nothing at all
is really becoming disturbing.

and now i feel dead.

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again and again

by cArLo

*this isn't professional poetry or anything like that. just an outlet of what i feel*

xxx


and then i see you again
caught myself staring
at that one picture of you
innocently yet candidly eating

this emotion has been buried deep
but is forcing its way out again
screaming and longing to get out
break free from self preservation

oh how i wish i'd be there
and join you in your feast
and share the same spoon and cup
just to have that indirect kiss

for that spoon and cup is the only way
that i'd be the closest to your lips
for your lips was and is owned already
by someone even i don't see

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