A new blog, a new me! (hopefully haha)

It's Christmas again, and I remember the days wherein this holiday season is one of those that I look forward to and enjoy every year. But this year, it has changed.

As I logged in on my Avaya (the phone set that is used in call centers) I felt like something is missing this year. I should be at home was what I was thinking as I was setting up the programs to be used for my work. Usually at 9PM of December 24, I'm at home cooking and preparing the ever-present spaghetti and fruit salad. Dressing up for the Christmas mass. Sending text messages, greeting everyone a merry Christmas. Looking forward to the inuman later on.

But just this past night, at that time I was in front of the monitor, worrying if my team lead would fry me on Friday for being late 10 minutes, becoming anxious of whether majority of my calls would be bad calls. Honestly, I wasn't happy during this shift. I was hoping that something would come up, particularly this: that they would announce at 10 for everyone to log off and go back home as a Christmas treat to all of us. But still the hours went on while being in front of th e LCD monitor. It completely replaced the Christmas lights that I always look at and admire when I was a child.

Oh how I missed Christmas. I thought I would be able to endure being away from home while I was hearing everyone on the floor great everyone a merry Christmas 12 midnight. No, I did not cry at that time, but instead I find myself crying 11 hours later while typing this entry.

Missing out on a lot of holiday activities this year did not sink in quickly. I realized just now what i missed when all of it has already passed. Yes I know, I would still be able to live without these, but to realize that you missed on several things that you enjoy every single year? That's what's killing me.

I wasn't able to attend our yearly Christmas party with my highschool friends last week. I wasn't able to be there with my family during that midnight. I wasn't able to have a drink with friends at our beighborhood after that midnight. I wasn't able to say yes to my college friends when they told me that they are going out to drink. And why? Because of this job.

Now I'm not even sure if I am still able to hold on to my job. I am missing a lot of people because of this. It's not that the people at work aren't pleasant, I love the people i'm with at the office. It's just that I wasn't able to join those that I love to be with, specially during this special occasion. I used to be the person who would always say yes at the drop of a hat when someone invites me to go out and have a drink or do whatever. But this December, I wasn't able to be that guy. And I wish for that part of me to come back.

But still, I will go on. I will stay with my current job. I need this.

Anyway, Merry Christmas guys!