A new blog, a new me! (hopefully haha)

**I made this post, and just saved it instead of publishing it. since I'm not there anymore, i think i can post this already...**

Just a while ago, I felt important. I'm actually not sure if that's the message being sent to me, and I'm not sure if that's how I should feel, but yes, I did feel that way.

Guess it is what's expected of from a team leader: to uplift the members of the team, keep them standing, make them feel they are doing good. My TL was trying to persuade me on staying (even though I was given the title "salutatorian in AHT*" because of my long ACW**). She didn't exactly tell me her reasons, but she kept on telling me to stay.

All I could do is smile, and make this face which is a cross between a smiling and an "I don't know" face. All I know is that I don't want to be in this anymore. I could still go on for the remaining days, but if I would continue, maybe in a month's time I'd go on NCNS which is worse. so I'm saving what's left to have a graceful exit.

(can't remember the exact words, but it went like this)

TL: so you're not going to change your mind anymore?
cArLo: ummm (smile)
TL: just try to stay for 3 more months..
cArLo: I already did that, told myself to give it about two months more way back November.
TL: owwss..
cArLo: pagbigyan nyo na ako..
TL: aren't you going to miss us? how about Ryan? (someone they were pairing me with, joke within the team)
cArLo: hehehe... TL, yes, I'm going to miss everyone. The only reason why I'm still here is because of the people around me.
TL: yun naman pala e, e di stay...
cArLo: pagbigyan nyo na ako please.. pwede naman ako pumasyal dito e..

Yep, that's it. I rarely feel appreciated or important. But this time of the day I felt important. Or appreciated.

*AHT - Average Handling Time. The average time (in minutes) you handle a call. More than 22 minutes is already considered super way out.
**ACW - After Call Work. The minutes you spend with documentation and doing outbound calls after an inbound call is released. ideal ACW is 5 minutes. I'm usually at 20 wahahaha.

-disclaimer: this wasn't done to satisfy anyone's poetic mind. this is just an outlet,okay? ^_^-

before leaving this
i finally got what i wanted
but after making you surrender
those silver-lined clouds vanished
making it clear that there's no more left
to get all of you.

before wanting it
i've never hoped for this
but after leaving me behind
not seeing kept me longing
making it clear that all i've wanted
is to get all of you.

before doing this
i did fancy on having you
but after making all of these
one by one it has slapped me
waking me up from the fact
that i've never had you.

Valentine's day. This is the day that was made to show your love to that special someone:
For the singles, it's a reminder of lacking something in their lives.
For the young couples, it's a day where they'd spend the night out eating, giving/receiving tokens of love, doing romantic stuff, and probably ending up somewhere R18.
For the married, it's a reminder of their lovey dovey days which they don't do anymore, so perhaps some would do an effort to give a box of chocolates or be romantic (if they aren't being romantic anymore)
**These doesn't apply to all, okay?**

Well, it does get somewhat sad for singles like us, but for me I rather think of this day as a reminder that we should love, and we shouldn't be doing it just in this time of the year. We are beings capable of loving anyway.

Just remembered: my Christian Living teacher said: "Love is the highest form of choosing." And I agree. You make decisions for the persons you love. And romance is out the window.

Yes I know, I may be without someone special for this particular day, and for this reason single guys should not be pressured, or else it would just turn out that they had someone and had been with someone on this day just for the sake of having one, of feeding their own insecurity.

But one thing I know: this is just a day that has been marked. But in reality, there shouldn't be a day to remind us of this. Perhaps blame it on commercialism.

OR perhaps Valentine's day isn't a day of love, but a day of romance.

Maybe.

But for me, just like what i posted as a reply to my friend's blog:
"...and whoever that person would be for me, i know that it's not just Valentines day that would be our day.."
...but it would surely be everyday. (*evil laugh*, hehehe ^_^)

Usually on weekends, I go out on saturday and sunday nights.. but for this week i didn't. No one msg'd me about any gimiks for Saturday night, and regarding my usual sunday night out, they were not available: Nyl can't drink due to meds he's taking, and Debbie's not available, and Kylie, my friend in the workplace can't drink also due to meds.... so I just stayed at home.

I was thinking of actually going out alone, you know, just to try it out and see what it would feel like to go out on your own. But I didn't continue to venture on that idea, since it seems like a waste of money to be eating and drinking on your own. Also one more thing: my family didn't go malling today, which we usually do every Sunday after church. And I got lazy and slept until about 2AM of Monday..

And since I had a lot of sleep, I actually had so much energy that I got do do again what I've used to do when I still didn't have work: exercise.

When i started working, all I ever did was just do pushups and some situps about twice a week or thrice, and then just stop there. But just hours ago, I did half of the upper body workout CD (with light weights), first part of aerobics with weights, and 1 session of the abs workout CD, which is already big for me considering that I haven't done this on a daily basis. I did this faithfully before every two days, which I didn't do anymore.

It was sort of boring for me: the idea of staying home. But it was actually a refreshing change. I got to spend time for myself, cook some chicken burgers with toasted wheat bread and cheese, with scrambled eggs (mmmmmmm yum yum), exercise, enjoy coffee at home and play some PC games, have a long bath complete with body salts and scrubs (kulang nalang ay scented candles and oils hahaha) and post a blog entry.

I missed having time for myself alone, and now I was able to do so. I won't say pang-alis umay ang nangyari since i enjoy going out and di ako nauumay sa paglabas with people I value and love. Just for a change of pace lang and additional time for myself.

And I loved it. I was able to love myself. I somehow felt alive again. It's great to love yourself: to pamper yourself, and to have time for yourself, prepare scrumptuous food, do what you enjoy doing, and to improve yourself....

But later, back to work again. haaaayyy... just a little more, and I'll be free from my current work... and would start to look for another around March.

Hope I'll find that work that I'd love...

At this time, I'm not really sure where I am headed to. I passed my letter of resignation around third week of January even though I'm not yet regularized (though my current TL said she would have regularized me the week after have I not passed the letter, which I'm not sure if that is true) because of this: I don't want to work anymore with the account.

I can say that most of the time I feel pressured and stressed with handling concerns wherein the problem is really with the vehicle itself, I mean if only I could just go ahead and fix it, or have it bought back with a click of a button, but I don't know. Maybe it's just that I feel for the customer too much, and I myself am getting disappointed with the product itself. And I know and I admit that I'm a newbie when it comes to vehicles (I mean, come on, I was only able to know what dome lamps and automatic locking and stuff like that is from this work). And maybe I'm just not for Customer Assistance. Or maybe it's just that the account where I'm currently in has mixed almost all departments/areas into Customer Assistance. It's just so broad for me: owners manual questions, reimbursement handling, bluetooth pairing, warranty information, recalls and special coverages, vehicle complaints, etcetera. And the customers expect that you are familiar with the vehicle they have, when in truth you are handling complaints/concerns/questions for more than 50 vehicles. Maybe I just want to be placed in something more specific or specialized. Yes, I can be repetitive, and I'm comfortable with that, knowing that I'll be an expert in that certain field.

Yes, I know. My other colleagues were able to handle it. And they seem very okay. It's just that I want to be somewhere wherein when I say "This is the thing to do", it would mean that that is the right thing to do hands down, 100 percent. I admit that I'm an airhead sometimes. And I want to be somewhere wherein when I leave work, I won't think about what to tell Mr. Ramasir about his situation with his 2007 Acadia in a way that he would take it all in without demanding for a supervisor, or how to make a good business case for Mr. Milstead's so it would turn out to be valid for escalation (which I was able to in time, if I followed what I was initially told to do then I wouldn't have ever forwarded it) and what to tell to Mr. I-forgot-the-name-already about his records not showing up in the owner center website, and to advise him that it's going to be escalated, even though you know that nothing would actually happen as experienced with other cases similar to his. Yes, I'm find myself agreeing most of the time with customers when they say that the process sucks, and I'm not that good at telling "lies" or sugar-coating stuff.

Or maybe I'm just not good at handling complaints. Period. I don't know.

Maybe I think of work too much that I keep on thinking about it when I'm at home already.

Or maybe I'm just not effective in managing my cases. I just feel like I should be at something where in I have the skill and knowledge. I mean if I were to be informed before signing the papers that I would be in an automotive account, I wouldn't have signed the contract.

Something thing like this: When someone asks what to do with his Carbonara being too thick, I'd tell him to add some milk and a little bit of salt, depends on how salty it is to begin with. Or when someone asks why his computer's internet via wireless network isn't working, I'd tell them to click "repair", or restart the router, or check if it's on or something like that. I think I want to be at a state where I can resolve something during that point in time.

Shoot, maybe I should have chosen to be in technical, not non-tech.

It's just that I think me being not knowledgable with vehicles is becoming a hindrance to me in being successful. And also to be honest, I'm not interested in vehicles, that's another.

Or maybe I'm just an airhead.