taken by jeff ^_^okay fine, usually when i make a post i filter most of it. i don't mention things, titles, sexes. tonight i'll just let it all out. i need to post this just to let it out.
it's coffee prince. i loved watching that tv soap before... and what has captivated me to watch it is because there was a gender issue that was injected to it. yes, about the gayness thing. i'm gay. so what?
so today i watched it again. actually it wasn't watching, it was part skimming and part watching. i was skipping some of the scenes that weren't that interesting to me.
yeah, i went to tears on those times when she was ignored by the guy, or when she felt tortured because of what the guy was doing. okay okay, kill me. i'm a sucker for those kinds of scenes.
but what made me turn the dvd off was the part when they were talking on cellphone, the day when the guy finally gave in and said somewhere the lines of "whether you're a man or an alien let's go as far as it goes". when they were about to sleep and they called each other to have some chat before turning in to sleep.
that warm feeling. i felt it again that familiar feeling. a little less than 2 years ago i was doing that. 30 minutes before sleeping i would go out of the house, out of the gate and sit on the sidewalk of the house next to us. i can't do that in the house because my parents would kill me, and i can't in my bedroom because the signal was terrible in the bedroom. that's already on globe, what more for sun right? haha sun. the network for lovers.
i even remember one time as i was stuck in conversation a dog peed on me. i don't know. perhaps the dog thought i was a big rock or something for sitting outside more than 30 minutes?
i would switch the sim to sun, then call a certain number. i would just sit there on the sidewalk and talk and talk and talk.
i missed that. i miss caring for someone. i miss being cared by someone. i miss hearing "i miss you already" even though you just parted ways 4 or 5 hours ago. i miss being question on what i've been doing outside for more than 30 minutes. i miss hearing the word 'baby' more than 3 times in a minute. i miss looking at the stars while saying how i feel. i miss sitting on that sidewalk and feel so blessed and not a care in the world as to what other people might think i'm doing there. i miss feeling appreciated. i miss feeling loved. i miss being loved.
i miss that feeling of having something, something that is yours. even if it's not legal.
yeah, gay lovers are not that accepted yet, the reason why i go out of the house to make those phone calls. and it was also the reason that i was able to enjoy talks on the phone while sitting on the sidewalk, looking at the stars while saying what i feel, what i've been doing, what i am to do next...
december 19 is going to be my 2nd year of being single. yeah, when is he going to be here? when will i get to know him? if ever he's someone that i already know, when will i realize that it's him?
i'm not in love with the idea of being in love. i just want to feel appreciated and loved again after a long time. most of the times i don't feel that, and i hate the feeling of not feeling that.