A new blog, a new me! (hopefully haha)

i find myself staring at you
as you lick your lips
and suck on your teeth

you turn me on with your ordinary
though unintentional and effortless
makes me want to take a bite on you

to press on those lips
and get a taste of your tongue
to hold you in my arms
and kiss till your breathe consumes mine
embrace me tight till my bones crackle
till i let all go and till i'm whole

each day makes my heart grow fonder
i find myself yearning for you
more and more, wanting to be closer
to be nearer is far from reality
yet imagining that you're with me
makes me yearn more of your touch, or even just your company

just a bit of your attention makes me smile
call me shallow
every little thing you do affects me
you make me want to be better everyday

i'll be one of the best
so that you'd always notice me
and eventually i hope you'd come to me
be with me
not as what we are now but as what you wouldn't show others
not the attention you give to everyone but the one that is very unique
that is only for me
that i would only feel and nobody else

I was tagged by debbie in facebook, so here it is:

THE RULES
a. Write something about 15 different people.
b. You can NOT say who they are.
c. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell.
d. Tag 15 people who you think would do this, too. You don't have to tag the people you wrote about.

person #1:
"i miss you, and i missed you...i remember our times during our childhood days when i'd go there in my pyjamas, that's how early i'd go there, or i was just lazy to change. i miss playing monopoly, the edition for children, and i also miss those days we play mario brothers on your nintendo and us watching power rangers. when you went back here after years of being away, i was just shy to go over or even call you, i just waited for you to call first or something, since it's been years already. so please don't think that i just forgot you, or something like that."

person #2:
"i don't know if i'd make it this far in life without you. you've always been there. you were always the one who gave me advice and the directions when everything is unclear. you were always there to hear my problems and what i feel, and you introduced me to the "dark side" if you know what i mean (laughs)... you're my best friend, and i am really happy that you are my best friend."

person #3:
"it's a good decision to end it. you haven't seen my efforts, or if you did you just brushed it aside and acted like a brat. one of the feelings that i don't ever like is the feeling of not being appreciated, and the feeling of apologizing even though i haven't started it, to the point that i don't know already why i'm saying sorry. saying sorry when i feel i shouldn't. i experienced that a lot with you. i think you should grow up."

person #4:
"the girl with the 'singer' look. this is what i told you the time we were introduced in a coffee shop. i feel great that we're friends now, and i enjoy your company. your laugh is unique, and i haven't heard a laugh from anyone similar to yours. being happy suits you better, and i hope you find it, now that you have someone that i know *yikkeeeekkk! uuyy!*

person #5:
"you're an example that there are people who can interact with people of different types, or sexuality. you are comfortable with yours. and that being smart and creative can't be seen on how a person looks like. you're the first person i've been with that feels comfortable at being applied on the nails with 'cutex' by a girl. it's interesting."

person #6:
"yes, we've known each other for two months by the exchange of text messages, but it just shows that exchanging text messages isn't enough. i still didn't know you fully back then, which just shows why i didn't know of your other "activities". you made me cry in a mall, being looked at by people -that yes i don't know personally and i wouldn't get to meet them again but still it wasn't a good experience- and i don't want to experience that again. i just hope your ex knows about it, and if it is the reason for the break-up then good thing."

person #7:
"you are happy i know. i look at both of you as the perfect couple. i like you, i know, but you are my friend, so i don't do anything na kaahasan out of respect and because of my own principles in life. and you are my friend that's why i don't confess how i feel. it's better to be friends with you for you're already taken. and i like your company. i would like it to stay that way."

person #8:
"and you are again someone i dreamed of being with. but it's not possible at this point. you're with someone now, someone i don't even know of and i haven't even seen. no presence, no picture. and i don't even see any signs that you like me, so i haven't done anything. i guess we're just not meant for each other."

person #9:
" you're a very hard-working and responsible person. you've done everything that made me who i am today. i'm really sorry that i haven't taken you to where you should be, to what you are really worthy of. you deserve better, better than what we are at right now."

person #10:
"yes we weren't 'us'. you saw me for two weeks because you were heartbroken. i do understand that you wanted to forget him, or to be back with him. we went out for days, and when that thought popped into my head i just brushed it off. but it was true. when you told me that you still love him, i cried. your friend said "why are you crying when you both aren't even officially together?" your friend had a point. but when you said that, that you still love him, that was the same day i said to myself that i was beginning to like you, or love you, or whatever."

person #11:
"you don't even exist yet. or a better statement would be: i still haven't met you yet. i just hope that you'd meet me in time. I don't want to sing "bakit ngayon ka lang" endlessly at every karaoke night."

person #12:
"i hope you're doing well. it's hard to be away from your hometown. you weren't confident at being accepted but look at where you're now. you've made it. and now I and your other friends miss you. we miss drinking with you, and i miss the time when i pumped out the vomit on the sink using my hands because you were embarassed at making the mess, when you should have vomited on the 'toilet bowl' instead. hahaha honestly that was fun. we'd get drunk weekly. we even drank while doing our thesis. i miss you so much, and i miss drinking with you and the others."

person #13:
"i know that you didn't like to get pregnant. but it happened. I just wish that the guy would be a good father, and that you'd have a happy life with him."

person #14:
"you defended me, and you've spoken on my behalf, the words that couldn't come out of my mouth during that time. i really thank you for that. and now that we're at different areas and different professions, we haven't had a drink together. i miss your company."

person #15:
"you just don't know what you're capable of back then, but look at you now: you're good! i dreamed of being in advertising also but nah, i'm not good enough for that. i'd probably make every commercial provocative. among our friends you were the one who i thought would be the most successful since you're someone who likes projects and stress, which i find weird. but if it does you good then why not. just don't forget to relax from time to time."

i tag nyl, almi,jamie, jonel, kuya rg, rani, carding, sining, kylie, jere (if you're not tagged yet), ubix, cube, reginald, stephen, ling PC ^_^

i think that you guys would do it so i chose you guys...so do it okay? it's fun to write about 15 diff people. it doesn't necessarily have to be 15 people that you would tag. i wrote of people that i didn't tag, or doesn't have an account)

at some point i fancy
on how would it be
if it is us, instead of you and him

i think of things to come
conversations we'd engage in
same as those moments you share
of the interesting thoughts you tell
you'd be the most bright
well bred, the most refined
most wise, most true
as true as you've always been

i would drown myself in your words
and take a burn in my airways with you
spend my nights in your company
feel your heart
as you share your mind
embrace your body
as you feed my soul

show my true color
as you bare your every flaws
savour every moment that i'd be with you

you'd save me from all of my insecurities
release me from the cell i had locked myself in

but then again it's early to tell
if you are the one i've been wating for
and then again it's hard to tell
since your heart is with someone else

it's already week 2 of my training days with Stellar... currently we do typing exercises, dictations and reading exercises everyday... f.y.i. dictations (dictation exercises) is where an article is being read by the trainer (or a recording is being played) and you have to type them in. i'm really enjoying this part of the training, since i do love typing... i don't know why haha.. i'm not a touch typist, i still have to look at the keyboard from time to time, but i can still type fast : )

what i'm really nervous about is on what's to happen on Friday. this would be the fateful day wherein we're going to be assessed if we passed for this part of the training by the clients themselves! what's going to happen is we're going to have a little chit chat with the client, then proceed to dictations....read by the client. but of course before I could proceed further, the day before that i would still need to pass the typing test, and do good with the remaining days to have a good record.... and if i pass, i would continue on with the rest of the training...

i'm not really stressed by the training, but i'm worried of what's to come. of course there is a chance that i wouldn't be accepted since on one of the previous waves i think there were 9 that didn't make the cut. and also i admit that i'm not the perfect agent any company could have, and i'm still not that confident with my communication skills but still i really would like to be in. this has been the job i've been dreaming of landing.

i really would like to pass this. i want to be in. i'll just do my best and move forward...

That's what I feel right now. Yeah, you could feel them both at the same time. Wanna know why?

Read on..

So I went to Cubao Friday morning to apply for a position in the IP Relay. I was really nervous the whole time. I even spilled coffee on the table while I was waiting for my turn on the final interview.

I passed the exams, but not with flying colors, since I had some problems with the spelling test. Yep, I lacked three points of the passing mark, so I was made to take the spelling test again. And then one more time.

Seriously, I was really at that point wherein i was hoping, wishing, and several thoughts came popping into my head:
"I want to be in."
"I want to be here."
"I need this."
"I wish I was more intelligent."
"Please, let me in."

So after my third take on it, my name was called again, and the guy who was facilitating it told me that I still didn't make it, but because it's just two points that i needed and because of the results with my other exams (really, that's what he said!) they'd reconsider, and so I was scheduled for the final interview. Yey!

So, to make it short, I passed! Training was scheduled Monday.

To celebrate it, I went out but only with my best friend, since Debbie and Jere wasn't available. We had two bottles of this Gilbey's drink that we already had before but up until now I still don't know what it's called. After some talks and another half of a glass, I thought of going to this bar in Makati. But since Nyl can't come with me, I decided to go there alone.

The place was good, and there were some cute singles and couples in the place. But I was just alone, and I didn't dance even though the music was great. So after 4 bottles of beer, I decided to go home.

I was somewhat down because I haven't met anyone there. Anyway before going there I decided to just go and have fun even though I wouldn't meet anyone (and since I've been fancying on the idea of going to one alone). But it's just that I hoped that I would be able to meet someone or get to know someone. Maybe I was there at the wrong time. Or maybe I should have done something, I don't know.

So then I left, and as I arrived at Philcoa I went straight to Jollibee and bought myself a Chicken and Spaghetti meal. Comfort food.

And as I walked through that sidewalk in Philcoa, I uttered to myself: "Putang ina, hahanapin kita sa Stellar."